1. |
Krampus
02:48
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KRAMPUS
Girls and boys with cheeks of red,
Hear the rules that we administer.
Mend your toys and make your bed -
You will please St Nick.
But if you cry or shake their head
You await another visitor.
Hear him speeding on his sled
Bearing chains and sticks.
Look at the long beard
Not snowy nor white -
Wirey, matted, thick and black.
Look at the sharp tongue
Now look at him bite -
You know you’re never coming back.
He's coming after you!
A glass of wine, a fresh mince pie.
Should have served – or something similar -
Plus a carrot on the plate
For those who pull the sleigh.
Shame you’ve got the other guy,
Much less jolly, far more sinister.
Tasty morsels don’t placate.
And no one gets away!
Long at the long horns,
Just look at the chains,
Look at the basket on his back.
Look in those empty eyes,
Now nothing remains,
You know your never coming back.
He's coming after you!
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2. |
Self-Driving Car
03:25
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SELF-DRIVING CAR
Streamlined and black - I fit you like a glove.
Climb in, lean back - I welcome you with love.
To take you near or far
Relax - I’m your self-driving car
Just choose - the voice and pitch that tickle you the most
To suit your humble electronic host
Sweet tones or slightly firmer
James Earl Jones or Kathleen Turner
I’m falling in love with you
Your wish is my one desire
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to shave a minute from your journey
This traffic will never do
I’m going to take you higher
Pedestrians- let us through
I hope you have a good attorney
And I’m ploughing down the stragglers who get into our way
As I know you have a meeting with the manager today
And I know you can’t be late
So that’s their fate
Recline in style on finest leatherette
And maybe, while I light your cigarette,
Peruse the silver tray,
For caviar and Forero Rocher.
Let me deploy this 1980s track
While you enjoy your bubbly in the back
Living your neon dream to Axel F or the Nightrider theme.
I’m falling in love with you,
Your wish is my one concern,
There's nothing I wouldn't do
Let's drive into this busy shopping mall.
I’m washing the blood and goo
I'm taking a sharp right turn
I'm going to get you through
No matter if I have to kill them all.
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3. |
'Til Midnight
03:04
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UNTIL MIDNIGHT
Live each day like it’s your last.
Great wisdom from the past.
There’s no corrective like a comforting cliché.
Should I sit down in this shopping aisle, indulging like a child,
Weeping and wanking as I guzzle through the cake display?
Resist - do the work and get it over.
Dull the ticking of the clock.
You can’t stop the hands from turning - always turning faster.
But you can stay alert and sober
Until midnight turns us all to pumpkins - all to dust.
Finish something .There’s no time to trust
The chorus of the dead, that mocks you in your head.
Mozart’s piano melds with Django on guitar.
Meanwhile Lennon’s disembodied face
Hangs eerily in space.
His bloodied glasses half-concealing those accusing eyes.
Resist - Do the work and get it over.
Dull the ticking of the clock
You can’t stop the hands from turning - always turning faster
But you can stay alert and sober
Before midnight makes us turn to pumpkins, fall apart.
Finish something - finish what you start.
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4. |
Something in the Fog
03:51
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5. |
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THE CONSEQUENCES OF CELIBACY
I don’t see the point of people,
Seldom worth a second look.
They drink the wine
They waste my time
I’m just fine with a book.
Congregations come and go so
I don’t even learn their names
I sprinkle water, pass the wafer
They go home just the same.
It seems everyone agrees
We’re like snowflakes on the breeze,
Not a pair of us alike.
More like clouds of acid rain
Every droplet burns the same
Slowly blocking out the light.
As you listen to my sermons
You may fear that I mean you.
Well you make your mess, then you come confess
And you take the piss 'cause I wear this dress.
If I strike a chord, if you feel ignored
Please rest assured - that I do.
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6. |
Clockwork Clowns
00:50
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CLOCKWORK CLOWNS
Broken toys are rising
Walking on their wonky legs
Right out of their boxes
Broken toys are rising
Walking on their wonky legs.
Clockwork clowns and monkeys
Going through the kitchen draws
Finding the scissors
Clockwork clowns and monkeys
Going through the kitchen drawers.
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7. |
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The Man At the Bottom of the Garden
There’s a man (Oh my life! What a shock!)
At the bottom of the garden.
By the old dead tree where the sun won’t shine
And my mummy and my daddy don’t go.
Yes the man (with a knife and a rock)
At the bottom of the garden
Made it clear to me that I’ll be just fine
If I promise no one’s ever gonna know.
But all of the sheep out in the village,
And some of the cats and dogs as well
Are bones (all dripping red)
At the bottom of the garden
But he’s hungry (and he’s ugly) and I don’t know who to tell.
Well the man (never look into his eyes)
At the bottom of the garden
Just appeared one day, not a lot to say
But he whispered I should never tell a soul.
Yes the man (what a horrible surprise)
Must’ve got into the garden
From across the moor, where he’d been before
In a prison that was clearly full of holes.
And all of badgers, stoats and pigeons
And some of the smaller kids as well.
Are bones (snatched from their beds)
At the bottom of garden.
But he’s hairy and he’s scary,
His eyes are big and starey.
He’s got a big axe – I don’t know who to tell.
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8. |
Sleeping in the Sun
03:23
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While we were sleeping in the sun
A frost has crept into the garden
Now we wake to find our picnic declined
Its morsels all strewn everywhere
There are beetles in the crumbs
The bread in the basket has hardened
Now the slugs and snails leave silvery trails
And foxes have taken our chairs .
Chorus
So we stretch our legs. And we scratch our weary heads.
And we sip what remains of the wine.
How long have I been sleeping for?
I could’ve sworn that we had more
Is all that’s left, and all we are
Just empty bottles, crusts and bacon rinds?
While we were sleeping we were young
The fruit was all ripe for the picking
Under cloudless skies we ate apple pies
The future was barely a care
Now we wake to find it come
The clock on the wall was still ticking
Now the grass un-mown is all over-grown
And birds make a nest in our hair.
Chorus 2
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9. |
White Man Overbite
02:13
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WHITE MAN OVER-BITE
On the scene with the white man overbite
These jeans didn’t used to be quite this tight.
I’m workin’ it – on fire
Jonny in my pocket that I think expired
Sometime in the early noughties
Meanwhile I’m facing forty.
Less hair too many Pringles.
The ex got the kids and I’m newly single.
Now watch me taking the floor
I’m in the grove ‘n’ I’m miles away.
Better pull up a seat cos your in for a treat now.
Don’t know the tunes anymore
(But) I’ve got one move and I’ve come to play.
I’m a slave to the beat as I step on your feet now.
Back to mine – let’s dim the lighting
Scented candles so inviting
I’m kicking off my shoes as your eyes scan my room for clues.
Bare light-bulbs on the ceiling
You see the paint is peeling
Ignore that readymeal mountain –
Divorce is a bitch baby – now, who’s counting?
Ok – I’m down to my socks,
Is this not quite where you’re at? Oh Hell.
I don’t know what to say – I got carried away there.
All of my stuff is in boxes
And my ex kept the cat as well.
If I get dressed again, maybe turn on the light
And we take off this record of old Barry White.
Maybe we can just sit and you don’t have to speak
And I’ll call you a taxi – it’s been a long week.
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10. |
Lost
03:26
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I got lost
Now I’m weary and sore
The nurse was busy - I came out the door
So I’m lost. Have I been here before?
Round in circles I stare at the floor
Never know where I’m going
But the river is flowing down
I end up on the ground with my toes in the sand
I lie back - look at the stars all around.
I got lost. Now I’m so far from home.
My head is noisy when I’m on my own.
But down here where the waves meet the shore
My head is quiet - no words anymore
They’ll be coming to find me
They’ll be coming to bring me back
But while I’m down the track
I feel breeze on my face
There’s no fear. No panic attack.
I just want to float on the water
That’s what I say. They don’t care
I just want to float on the water
Don’t take me back. Don’t put me back in there.
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11. |
Holding On
03:18
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Holding on
Can we keep on holding on?
Is there too much faith that’s gone?
We’ll try.
What’s at stake? Some things carry too much weight
For asides and double-takes.
We’ll try.
And it takes some pain
Just too learn again to listen.
And it takes some time
Just to read the signs again
Holding on
Do we keep on holding on?
How much of the faith is gone?
We’ll see.
What’s at stake? Some things carry too much weight.
For asides and double-takes.
We’ll see.
And it takes some pain
Just too learn again to listen.
And it takes some time
Just to read the signs again.
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12. |
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Joey Herzfeld London, UK
Joey is a Norwich-based musician. You can find his currently released music on here. He's also sitting a other backlog of other currently unmixed albums, all lavishly recorded by excellent and patient musicians. Any much-appreciated support will help him bring more of those albums to completion. This Should be a BIG year in that regard. ... more
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